I pulled this article together more to provide a central location for the nightmare I’ve had with ordering some equipment from Technology Galaxy via Amazon.com and then the subsequent failure of Amazon’s A-Z Guarantee that has left me over $550 out of pocket. I ordered a switch 12 weeks ago, still don’t have it and no sign of a refund.
Amazon Order Nightmare Tracker:
- Days since I placed my order: 91 days
- Days since I requested a refund: 42 days
- Times I’ve contacted Amazon Support: 15
- Times I’ve emailed Technology Galaxy: 12
- Times I’ve Tweeted Amazon Support: 8
- Number of times Amazon have escalated my issue: 7
- Numer of times Amazon support have told me the issue will be resolved in 2-3 days: 8
- Days left of the guaranteed response time: -35 days
- Hours I’ve spent trying to resolve the issue: 19.5 hours
In the beginning
In March 2020, I excitedly ordered a 24 Port Ubiquiti UniFi POE Switch for my home setup. I’ve been wanting one for years and finally had saved up enough that I could get one.
Day 1: 23rd March 2020
I’ve placed an order of suppliers from a tribe known only as “Amazon”, I’m familiar with the leader El Bezos. They are actually just acting as middlemen for another merchant known as “Technology Galaxy”. I hand over my 550 pieces of gold with a feeling of uncertainty but having dealt with the ‘Amazon’ tribe hundreds of times, I push my concerns and complete the ritual known as ‘Checkout’
Day 3: 25th March 2020
The Amazon tribe sent word that their suppliers had already shipped my goods and I rejoiced.
Day 11: 2nd April 2020
Due to the unholy covid plague, I waited patiently for word of my goods but upon reading from the tracking messagener, I noticed the item hadn’t moved since the 26th March. I contacted the merchant Technology Galaxy directly asking for an update, they told me to contact the courier they had dispatched my good to called “USPS”
Unfortunately, when I contacted USPS they didn’t seem to grasp that I was in the United Kingdom so I couldn’t proceed. At least I now had the consignment number for the courier and knew it to be USPS (a domestic courier- not ideal for an international package).
Day 29: 20th April 2020
I checked with the UK courier that often works with USPS packages and they clearly stated the package hadn’t left the Americas. I contacted Technology Galaxy again on the 20th April 2020 pointing this out. They responded saying with the following missive:
“The order status is currently In Progress. The package will be delivered via USPS EY23456789US. The status will be updated when shipment begins to travel.
Please let us know if the package did not arrive until Apr 7, 2020 to Fri, Apr 24, 2020. If the package is lost or delayed, then we can process and issue a reshipment or a refund. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.”
Day 37: 28th April 2020
I patiently waited until the 28th April 2020 and contacted Technology Galaxy, asking them to send a replacement as the first one was clearly lost, at which point they said “we are sending a request to rush this” – I rejoiced, thinking the nightmare was at an end. Little did I know, the horrors had just begun . . .
Day 39: 30th April 2020
Leaving it a couple of days, I contacted Technology Galaxy again to get the cosigment number for the replacement. In response, I got one line
“USPS International: EY12345678US”
the consignment number of the original lost package! What madness is this!?
I contacted Technology Galaxy again pointing out that this was no good to me as it was just the original consignment number, at which point I got another one line response:
“It is a valid number, just delayed, per the carrier and customs.”
It was at this point my suspicious were first aroused that “Technology Galaxy” might not be legitimate merchants but rather, testicle juggling worthless cretins of the worst kind.
Day 48: 1st May 2020
I contacted the cretins again, asking for an update, reminding them i wanted the consignment number for the replacement, at which point I was told:
“It is actually in British customs, but won’t rescan until it clears”
The plot thickens. All of the information I have indicates my order hasn’t left the Americas.
Day 45: 5th May 2020
I spent an hour getting through to the appropriate department of Her Majestys Customs and Excise, the clerk I spoke to confirmed that the package hadn’t reached the UK and all the information available indicated it was still in the Americas. Dark times.
I contacted the worthless testicle jugglers and told them this, the simply replied:
“Understood and we are sending a trace request to the USPS.”
I shake my head, the cretins are clearly making this up as they go.
Day 51: 11th of May 2020
I contacted the worthless cretins for an update, it is now 3 weeks after the latest date i was promised I would received my goods, they replied simply:
“We are hoping to hear back this week, though responses have been slow, due to customs backup for item clearance.”
I begin to suspect that they are not a merchant at all but rather an outfit operated out of the back of a launderette, selling conterfeit goods and dreams.
At this point I’m at my wits end and I contacted the Amazonians, requesting they perform the unholy “Rite of A-Z Guaranteeness” after which they are duty bound to respond within 7 days.
My excitment grows at the prospect of an end to the nightmare.
Day 58: 18th May 2020
I’m weary, I haven’t had a sensible conversation with an Amazonian for weeks, I have still had no response from them or the cretins. I contacted Amazons ‘help’ sect and spoke to “Jenny” who simply informed me that:
“A-Z Guarantee claims can take up to 2 weeks”
Everything you read about the Rite of A-Z Guarenteeness is a LIE! I am shocked to my core, I’ll never love again.
Day 59: 19th May 2020
I contact the testicle juggling cretins again for an update, as usual their response is abrupt:
“A refund was issued 2020-05-11. Thanks for your time. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience”
The cretins have resorted to lies, I fear I may never see my gold nor my goods. I am sad.
Day 56: 26th May 2020
I contact the Amazonians again, speaking to “Nikki” for an hour. Unfortunately, it seems ‘A-Z Guarantee’ is actually handled by a sub-sect of the Amazonin tribe who live apart. No-one is allowed to talk to them nor they to anyone else. Nikki invoked The Mighty Rite of Escalation, sure this most powerful of rites will solve my problem.
Day 57: 27th May 2020
I sent word to the cretins again, their reply was more curt than usual:
“It appears you filed an AZ claim and they now have control over this”
Who knew? The Rite of A-Z Guaranteness has caused ripples…but what does it mean? I am confused.
Day 59: 29th May 2020
I contact the Amazonians, speaking to ‘Stephanie’. Stephanie insists there is no-one to whom she can perform The Mighty Rite of Escalation. She also confirmed that the A-Z Guarantee sect is taboo and cannot be contacted. Stephanie said that they “will respond to your claim i am positive of that“. At least Stephanie is positive.
I asked Stephanie what I should do if I don’t hear back from the A-Z Guarantee sect and she said:
“i would contact us at that point as it should be resolved within the 3 weeks“
I wait.
Day 62: 1st June 2020
Alas, I’ve had no word so I contacted the Amazonians again, speaking to “Cordelia” this time, I explained my nightmare and my our discourse was mysteriously interuppted. I am suspicious.
“Your chat got disconnected You are now reconnected with a new agent Poonam. Poonam:Hello, my name is Poonam. I’m sorry your previous chat disconnected. I will try and pick up where you left off.”
I retold my tale of woes to “Poonam” who, after a length review of my hellish tale said:
“The status still shows that our team is investigating this. I’m escalating this issue. So that if it is stuck it’ll be resolved.”
Agast I though, not another Mighty Rite of Escalation, sure the world can’t handle this level of magic, nonetheless I asked if I could speak to a chief.
Poonam said:
“I’ve escalated this to our A-Z team by different method and you’ll hear from them within 24-48 hours”
Poonam must be great indeed to have managed to get a message to the mysterious and aloof A-Z Guarantee sect, although I did wonder if such tricks exists, why it was not done many weeks ago.
Poonam put my in touch with an Amazonian chief called Jennifer , I regaled her with my tale, she responded saying:
“Alright, Bob I saw where my colleague escalated it to an appropriate team. However, I went one step further and escalated even above them. I have been assured they will reach out within the next couple of days with a response. I truly appreciate your understanding, I know this is very frustrating. I have escalated it to the highest level of that department, so I feel confident you are in good hands.”
Great scott – yet another Mighty Rite of Escalation, I can only assume that my goods are flying through the air, carried on the winds escalation, at this very moment.
When I ended my discussion with Jennifer, a message appeared, it simply said:
Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.
How I laughed.
Day 64: 3rd June 2020
I contacted the Amazonians again, because now two moons have passed and I was promised a reply. Alas, I’ve heard absolutely bugger all.
I spoke someone called Jennifer who in turn asked I speak to someone called Shoyeb
Shoyeb read my story and abruptly walked away, leaving me with the message:
“A member of our Leadership team will need to help you with this. Please hold while I transfer the chat. One of our Leadership team representatives will assist you shortly.“
I’m expecting to hear from High Chief Bezos shortly.
I wait. I wait. I go fishing. I wait. I build a papier mache model of High Chief Bezoes. I wait some more. It seems High Chief Bezos is not coming and nor is anyone else.
2nd Attempt
I attempt to make contact with the Amazonians again but am thwarted by the mystical and much feared Spinning Cirlce of Doom:
Despite my terror, I persevere and am rewarded by a conversation with “Jalisa” who – upon reading my tale of sadness – simply walked away in to the wilderness.
I tried again and am presented with “Nwabisa”, I again recount my story (for the third time today) and Nwabisa said:
“I’m sorry to hear about the trouble you are having with your order, let me have you connected with the leadership team to further assist you”
Fingers crossed again for High Chief Bezos
Alas it was not to be, Nwabisa came back stating that
“I am afraid I am having trouble connecting you at the moment, it appears that the leadership support is not available at the moment“
Before I can respond asking what has happened to their leader, my conversation is abruptly ended again and I am presented with “Amreen”. He asked me to tell him my story, I resist the urgent to tell him to insert something in to his anus. I tell him the tale and ask for a chief.
Amreen simply said:
“I will escalate the issue again. Please wait for 24 hours” when I asked to speak to a manager he simply said “My manger will give you the same information. DO you still want me to connect you to a Manager?“.
Amreen is also going to perform the Mighty Rite of Escalation, altough I must admit I am beginning to doubt its efficacy,
Amreen then introduced me to Chief Oscar, though oddly without a word, Oscar immediately put me infront of someone called Prashant, Prashant immediately introduced me to Monica. Fun and games! At this stage I assume the Amazonians are playing some perverse ritual that is a take on musical chairs.
Chief Monica was actually able to provide some information, she had heard that finally, my goods were on the move and had left the Americas!
Day 64: 3rd June 2020, More Bad News
I contacted the UK courier and they confirmed they had it but that I had to pay £108 of duty charges to release the item, as far as I was aware I had paid Technology Galaxy import duties when I ordered the item (as has always been the case when I deal with the Amazonians of the Americas). I understand their may be some variance I have to pay but its clear none of my gold made it to the UK customs.
I then contacted HMRC (Her Majesteys Customs and Excise) who confirmed that no contribution towards the import charges has been made.
I double checked by attempting to place another order via the Amazonians which clearly stated that it includes Estimated Import Fees Deposit.
It appears I paid the testicle twisting cretins over 120 pieces of gold just for shipping. If so, why weren’t my goods sent via super speedy mystical flying unicorns with jet engines strapped to their arses and nose bags full of cocaine?
Day 64: 3rd June 2020, Later
My mind is made up, I want my gold back and so I contact the Amazonians, speaking to someone called “Berlin” who was incredibly helpful, they reviewed my tale of mistery and confirmed that I will get a full refund.
Berlin said because I had contacted the worthless-cretins, I would need to wait for them to respond before the Amazonians could do anything so I agreed to wait.
Day 64:3rd June 2020, Even Later
At this stage I’m exhausted, I’ve waited 11 weeks for the itemy goods, I just want – and am entitled to – a refund (I don’t have the goods, its still with tthe courier).
I again contacted the timewasting-testicle-twisting-cretins and asked for a refund.
They replied in their usual one line style, again claiming that they already issued a refund (they have not, I would have noticed):
“A refund was already issued 2020-05-11. Thanks for your time. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.”
I contacted the Amazonians to discuss this recent development and got through to ‘Sheryl Tatiana’. Unfortunately the tale of my despair is so long and convoluted – and its impossible to ever speak to the same Amazonian twice – that it takes about 20 minutes just to get up to speed.
In the end, Sheril said she would perform the – yes you guessed it – Mighty Rite of Escalation. Risking the wrath of the tribe, I voiced my disdain for the rite, (I pointed out this has now been done 5 times already to no effect other than moving my goods from one courier to the next over 2 months).
Sheryl then made me a solemn promise: she will be checking with the tribe every day and send me updates. I’m beging to suspect the tribe might be full of sh!t.
I also recieved another message from the Technology Galaxy cretins that appears to contractict the one sent two hours earlier, it simply says:
“I have sent this refund issue to our Department. You should receive an email with the response details once it has gone through. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.”
I really have no idea what’s going on anymore.
Day 65: 4th June 2020
I contacted the Amazonians again today and got through to “Karan”, I recounted him the history of and in his defence he actually appeared to listen. He immediately spoke to a manager and they went away for quite some time trying to resolve it, unfortunately it was the same result in the end, with Karan telling me:
“Thank you so much for your time Bob . I am extremely sorry that this issue was dragged this long and your order was not delivered nor was refunded. My apologies for the trouble . I checked with my lead and we see that the review for refund is under review and we will certainly help you with the refund but it’s taking a bit time. Please be assured you will receive the refund by the coming mid week.”
I pointed out that I’ve been promised a resolution over and over by the tribe but quite literally nothing happens, despite multiple rites of escalation being performed. When I asked what I should do next, he said:
“You need not do anything for now as I see that the escalation form was already filled for the issue to be resolved. Please be assured we are already looking into this refund issue. You will certainly receive refund for this order but it’s only delayed for which I am extremely sorry.”
I asked how long I should wait before I contact the tribe again again, Karan told me:
“By 10th May At the most. And please do not worry it will be resolved by then and refund will be issued to you and you will not have to contact us back again for the same issue.”
I pointed out that this was in the past. I note however that the way things are going, he might mean May next year.
Day 66: 5th June 2020
I got a message from the worthless Technology Galaxy fools today in response to my request for a full refund:
“Amazon already issued a full refund, so please refuse delivery from USPS: EY123456789US, as it cleared customs yesterday”
This is the third time they claim I’ve had a refund – interspersed with messages claiming they will arranged a refund – but there has been no sign of one. At least they seem to know where the goods are finally.
Day 67: 6th June 2020
I received another one line message from Technology Gits today, it simple said:
“As of 6/3, it is cleared from customs and with your local post office, per USPS: EY123456789US”
Incredible, I can only assume that no-one at Testicle Galaxy is looking at any history of my tale.
Today I tried another approach and have sent an message directly to Technology Git referencing this page, rather than via the Amazonians, I guess we’ll see if that helps.
Day 68: 7th June 2020
Had some hilariously conflicting messages from Testicular Galaxy this weekend, for example in response to another request for a refund (after them already telling me I’d had a refund):
“I have sent this to our Department. You should receive an email with the response details once it has gone through. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.”
Then another one on Sunday:
“I have sent this refund issue to our Department. You should receive an email with the response details once it has gone through. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.”
I queried the import charges and asked again when I can expect my refund, I was told:
“It will process once returned back.”
Which I’m assuming means they will only give me my gold back when the goods – which are with the courier – are returned to them (something completely out of my control).
Day 69: 8th June 2020
The responses from Technology Gobshites have me concerned so I contacted the Amazonians again, I was literally passed from one person to the other for 20 minutes, I went from Murlilkrishna to Roxy, Roxy to Jeremy then Jeremy to Kendra – all passing me around with just an automated message to explain!
Kendra finally stuck around long enough to help and told me:
“So, I am seeing the active A to Z claim on this order. Usually claims are resolved in 1-2 weeks.. I’ve seen them take longer but as a standard rule of thumb I always tell my customers 1-2 weeks. It looks like this one was filed on May 11, so it has been 4 weeks today. The status is currently “Investigation-The refund request is under review.”
At this point has anyone file an a to z escalation on this? If you don’t know thats okay I’m looking to see”
I explained that the mighty rite of escalation has been performed at least six times.
For fun, I’ve decided to start timing my interactions with the Amazonians (as they don’t print times on like others), so far I’ve been in this convresation for 45 minutes.
In the end, Kendra said that:
I would honestly encourage you to be patient and wait to hear back from them”
So it appears that the rite of escalation actually slows things down which seems, well, stupid.
I asked Kendra how long I should wait and she said:
It took an hour an 5 minutes of my time to get to that point.
Day 70: 9th June 2020
So today I had a pleasant surprise, I got a message from the Amazonians without me having to do anything, admittedtly it was just a holding message but even that is huge improvement:
This is Sheryl, from Amazon leadership department.
I’ve been trying to contact you over the phone but it hasn’t been possible.
I just want to give you the update that I am still following your case which is still under investigation from our specialized department. I will try to get an update on your case and as soon as I get more information I will send you another email.
We look forward to see you soon.
Best regards,
Sheryl, Amazon.com”
No idea what number she was calling as I have no missed calls and they have all of my details but at least its some sort of pro-active response from Amazon.
Day 72: 11th June 2020
So I got a phone call from the couriers “ParcelForce” asking me to collect my package – I can only assume this means Troglodyte Galaxy haven’t contact them yet.
Day 73: 12th June 2020
Contacting Amazonians as today is the day Kendra said she thought my problem would finally be resolved (after 11 weeks and 4 days).
And so it carries on, I spoke to Kedar today and explained the situation. He asked for my mobile number (which I’ve provided mulitple times before and should be in the Amazonian’s ledgers), I was then told that:
“i can add this to your account and also send it to investigation team“
I asked if it was the same ‘investigation team’ I’ve been waiting to hear from for a month – he didn’t answer.
He then said
“Bob , I;ll update the same to your account and also will send to the investigation team“
I again asked if it was the same ‘invetigation team’ I’ve been waiting to hear from for a month – he didn’t answer.
He then said
“I apologize for the inconvenience
Please do not worry
Your issues will be solved in next 2-3 days
I assure you that
As i have already sent your number to our investigation team”
I AGAIN asked if it was the same ‘investigation team’ I’ve been waiting to hear from for a month – he said yes 😀 LOL
He then trasnsferred my chat to someone called Nawaz who told me:
“Okay I do see that your refund request s under review I would request you to please wait for 2-3 business days and you will receive an email from our team. Is there anything else I may help you with ?”
It’s seems that 2-3 days is a response the Amazonians are told to give whenever they don’t know what to say. My discussion was terminated at that point.
I contacted Amazonians again and got through to Onkar, I gave him the history of the nightmare and he suddently disappeated – there is a pattern emerging…
Oddly, I’ve just recieved an message from “[email protected]” which says nothing in it apart from a subject of RE:[CASE 1234567890] Your Amazon Order (number changed) and the following message:
“Hello, The issue is closed. Please do appeal if the case needs further review”
I can only assume this is some sort of hilarious joke by the Spanish Amazonians? If its real, then the only communication I’ve had about my investigation is telling me its closed (it doesn’t even tell me the result!).
In the meantime after “Onkar” disappeared, he was replaced with “Jonviea”,
Jonviea – who was helpful in that she didn’t resort to standard responses – confirmed that she could see a message had gone out to me confirming my case was closed! (it was not a joke) and she asked me to appeal this! I logged in to the Amazonian potal, which still says the case, submitted on the 11th May 2020, is still pending review. Jonviea said that:
I’m asking them to review all of this again and help to end this delayed issue. An escalation should be reviewed in a few days, and they should give you an update by email. I’ll be watching things and will even put my manager in on things if nothing is done this time around.”
I asked to speak to a manager anyway, she said she can’t and will have to put me in touch with with another team to in order for me to speak to a manager! It seems divisions are rife in the tribe…
Day 74: 13 June 2020
Out of sheer frustration, I switched communication methods, using a bird-based method known only as “Twitter” , I did get a response asking:
“We’re sorry to hear about this. Have you had a chance to reach out to us directly about this? If so, what’s been advised? ^VF”
I asked them to read the history I have written here, I then got this:
“We certainly understand your concern. We don’t have access to your account via Twitter, but we’d like to help. Please allow us another chance to look into this by getting in contact with us here: amzn.to/NAContactUs. ^CB”
I followe the instructions, only to be taken to the same location I’ve been using for 60+ days, as detailed above. No response.
Day 75: 14th June 2020
I chased using the “Twitter” asking for suggestions and got this:
“Let’s have a specialist look into this for you. Please send us your details here and a member of our specialist team will contact you via email shortly: amzn.to/1qQCUbt. Thanks. ^KK”
I submitted the information but got no response.
Day 77: 16th June 2020
I chased the Amazonians again for a response and got the following message which sound distinctly like the holding pattern I’ve been in for the past month:
“I can see that your issue is currently with the appropriate team. We would kindly ask for you patience on this one, they should be in contact with you shortly. ^GC”
I asked if they could confirm which team: no response.
I followed up, asking again: no response
Day 78: 17th June 2020
I followed up, asking again which team: no response
I contacted the Amazonians in the old fashioned chat-way again today, just because I realised I do it so often its become sort of a hobby. ‘Joshia’ popped up and asked how he could help. I gave him the full 3 month history. 20 minutes in and he’s still reading it, no reply at all.
Finally, Joshia responded saying – wait for it – he’s going to perform the mighty rite of escalation. AS he’s no doubt read the history I gave him, he’s aware the rite has been performed about 8 times already, I can only assume he must be planning on doing it really well.
I asked him if I should go ahead and wait 2 – 3 days for my issue to be resolved, no response. He confirmed he’s completed the rite and – in a peculiar show of alternate religious belief – he is also going to pray for a resolution, saying:
“I am escating this so that the team can resolve this issue it has gon on too long for us not to have a resolution for you by now. I am praying they assist us you.
And normally this doe stake 2-3 days for team to get back to you via email.”
I asked which team it was being escalated to, he said – after a dramtic pause:
“The claims team”
I heard thunderous music in my head. I asked how lonng I should wait to contact support again:
“it should be a maximum of 3 days “
